Sunday, January 24, 2010


Annnnd we're back! Sorry for the delay in posting, but sometimes we get caught up in months-long drinking binges and forget where we put our blogger passwords (turns out it was in our pocket the whole time!).

There is much to report, but by far the most exciting development is that Kristen and I are now the proud parents of Sea Monkeys!

It turns out that both of us have been harboring a secret grudge against our parents for years because they refused to purchase us Sea Monkey Kingdoms when we were children. As an adult, I can see their point of view: Obviously they feared that we would cultivate an unfailingly loyal army of sea-based killing machines, thus destroying whatever tenuous shreds of authority to which my parents desperately clung. But now that I'm bringing home the bacon, no one's gonna slow my stride. So when Kristen and I were pondering the aisles of Walgreen's and spotted the chance to commandeer our own Sea Monkey special-ops for only $9.99, our destiny became clear.

Yes, we are aware that our army is actually composed of brine shrimp which are neither monkeys nor inhabit the sea. I DON'T CARE. I love them. One of them is named Margaret Sanger (I'm not really sure which one is actually Margaret Sanger, I just know that one of them has that name. I'm gonna go with the biggest one). We have yet to name the remaining monkeys, because we can't really get a firm head count (damn bastards keep retreating behind the pile of secret pirate gold). But I imagine that one of them is named Corky, because they often swim in tight little corkscrew loops for hours on end. We may sprinkle some Adderall in the tank later to get them to pay the fuck attention.

Expect pictures to come soon, courtesy of Kristen's expert photography. Oh, and Kristen is officially old today, so be sure to tell her "Happy Birthday" really fast before she throws things at you for trespassing on her lawn.

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