Last night Leighann had her first visit to Congee village, that haven for cheap/underage drinking that just about everyone who knows me has been dragged to at least once since I first found it way, way back in high school. I warned her that while the food is tasty, she might want to avoid any meat items. so obviously bitch orders the pork.
Well, now Leighann is at home vomitting convulsively while I sit here trying to keep our boss from stealing Leighann's pens and leaving shit on her desk (two on going problems we have) while at the same time keeping her from noticing that I am actually doing my anatomy homework/chatting with Leighann via the interweb and not doing my job.
I do not have enough hands for this Leighann! Next time listen!
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
Yes, I am a chiropractor
I just need to point out here that when Kristen initially asked for a back-crack, I turned to find her arching her back and thrusting her pelvis at me while leaning against her chair. "That's not your back," I said, while she thrusted ever-closer. "Please, Kristen, don't make me use my chiropractic skills for evil!"
But then she pulled out all the stops and used her dark witch powers against me. So I did get to cop a feel, but I also can't feel the left side of my body. Because I actually cracked MY OWN back. So there, I am a fucking chiropractor. I knew just how to crack a back.
But then she pulled out all the stops and used her dark witch powers against me. So I did get to cop a feel, but I also can't feel the left side of my body. Because I actually cracked MY OWN back. So there, I am a fucking chiropractor. I knew just how to crack a back.
Leighann is not a chiropractor
A few minutes ago I was complaining that my back hurt. Leighann informed me that she could crack it for me. Though she did manage to surprise me by being able to lift me pretty high off the ground, she was unable to crack my back. She did manage to grab my boob and smash my funny bone though.
Did you two know you look like sisters?
This was asked of us today as we walked out the door for lunch, by our office building's creepy, creepy super. Yes, we know, we've been told before. We realized it ourselves on Leighann's first day when she came in and we were wearing the same red jacket, and similar black grey and red skirt/tight/shirt combos. and had the same haircut.
We like to think this is because our boss has a very specific type. When I first started working for him at our old office, everyone called me Emily. At first I thought this was just because she happened to have the job before me, but it turns out, she also looked exactly like Leighann and I. What he did not bargain for though, is us being even more similar personality wise. In fact, in essence the same person. Clearly he bit off more than he could chew, and the two of us sharing a small space has been essentially his worst nightmare. Sometimes, when we want him to stop talking or agree to something, we work this to our advantage. Mostly though, we just talk about how it's sort of awkward. And then close the door and make out, because we are also both huge narcisists.
We like to think this is because our boss has a very specific type. When I first started working for him at our old office, everyone called me Emily. At first I thought this was just because she happened to have the job before me, but it turns out, she also looked exactly like Leighann and I. What he did not bargain for though, is us being even more similar personality wise. In fact, in essence the same person. Clearly he bit off more than he could chew, and the two of us sharing a small space has been essentially his worst nightmare. Sometimes, when we want him to stop talking or agree to something, we work this to our advantage. Mostly though, we just talk about how it's sort of awkward. And then close the door and make out, because we are also both huge narcisists.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Our intern is an idiot
So, we have an intern. Neither one of us likes her very much (though to be fair Leighann actually hates her while she just sort of annoys me). Mostly this is because she is extremely, extremely socially awkward, not in the fun way like just about all of the creepos I am friends with, but in the way that she just cannot interact. It's sort of like "hey, intern, how was your weekend? Do anything fun?" "*pause, blank look* um, I'm gonna do some filing" She just will not talk about anything other than work. At all. EVER.
And yet, for all her obsession with this crappy ass job, she still kind of sucks at it. Case in point, I jsut opened a file in which she had been working and was allegedly making useful notes in. I looked at said notes, and they all, ALL said such things as "same teacher from like 52 and 107" "sent with package from like 32". This would be fine, except that LINES IN EXCEL FILES ARE NOT FIXED. They change anytime you do a sort, add a case, ect. I have no idea when she made these notes, how many cases were in the file at the time, or how she had it sorted. Basically, these notes, which I actually needed, are now about as useful as this blog.
And yet, for all her obsession with this crappy ass job, she still kind of sucks at it. Case in point, I jsut opened a file in which she had been working and was allegedly making useful notes in. I looked at said notes, and they all, ALL said such things as "same teacher from like 52 and 107" "sent with package from like 32". This would be fine, except that LINES IN EXCEL FILES ARE NOT FIXED. They change anytime you do a sort, add a case, ect. I have no idea when she made these notes, how many cases were in the file at the time, or how she had it sorted. Basically, these notes, which I actually needed, are now about as useful as this blog.
Monday, October 12, 2009
A Very Special Columbus Day
Because New York State and our particular place of employment wish to express their deep-seated hatred of Native Americans, Kristen and I have off work today! But that doesn't mean we can't bone at home just as effectively. While I have yet to contact Kristen on this fine, land-raping, trail-of-tears-walking morning, I'm sure that she is doing what we do best at work:
Except in the comfort of our own home, it involves more of this:
Although sometimes we do that at work, too:
Except in the comfort of our own home, it involves more of this:
Although sometimes we do that at work, too:
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